On embracing light, shadow and everything in between
Thoughts on inviting our whole selves to tea
“Creation is light and shadow both, else no picture is possible.”
~ Paramahansa Yogananda
Light is simple right - it’s there, it illuminates things so we can see where we’re going, it makes our lives easier, it’s what we are aiming for (if we are indeed interested in heading towards enlightenment - it’s not for everyone in this lifetime!).
Shadow on the other hand…
There are so many ways to define ‘shadow’ - a dark ominous shape that is formed when an object blocks a source of light, an inseparable attendant, a Jungian archetype that is part of the unconscious which doesn’t align with the ego ideal, one person secretly following another. It’s all rather cloak and dagger and a bit repellant compared to its more illuminated counterpart.
In psychological terms, light and shadow can be thought of as different parts of the psyche. The shadow dictates a person's thoughts, actions, behaviours and habits at an unconscious level. Unlike the light, it remains beneath the surface and may not ever get fully explored.
Shadow is the stuff of frightening fairytales, underground lairs and haunted woods. But if we can turn towards our shadow and acknowledge it, it can be a very powerful way to get to know ourselves at a much deeper and more authentic level.
Clara Pinkola Estes in Women Who Run With the Wolves proposed;
“The shadow… can contain the divine, the luscious, beautiful, and powerful aspects of personhood. For women especially, the shadow almost always contains very fine aspects of being that are forbidden or given little support by her culture.”
If we can get curious about all aspects of ourselves, including the parts we don’t ‘like’ or want to avoid, we will be able to discover a vastly more expanded version of self that is unafraid to run through the woods discovering all sorts of riches that society, internalised cultural messaging, misogyny, scarcity mindsets and fear don’t want us to find.
Coaching is a great way to spark curiosity and dig into the stories that we tell ourselves, as one of the central tenets of the process is to continuously ask powerful questions in order to get to the very core of our challenges and issues. Unexamined assumptions can very easily slip into the shadows if they are left to their own devices.
I’ve been thinking a lot about light and shadow recently as I’m currently participating in some deep therapeutic work that has me confronting all sorts of shadows and dark places. It’s bloody challenging to be honest (every time I head in for a session I feel like yelling “Once more into the breach, dear friends” from atop a wild stallion), but I see it as a great chance to shine a big old spotlight into the darkest shadowy recesses of the foundations in my mind and check for all the rot so it can be cleared out for good.
Every time I come out of a session, I’m exhausted but I also feel ten times lighter. I get to examine so many stories and assumptions that would have normally just sat there in the dark getting bigger and scarier by the day and reframe them by bringing them out into the light, then embrace all the goodness and learnings that they hold for me. It’s interesting, in the end I find that anything shadowy is simply an unacknowledged part of me that wants love and validation.
I really enjoy the story that renowned spiritual teacher Tara Brach shares about Buddha embracing his shadow Mara;
The night before his enlightenment, the Buddha fought a great battle with the Demon God Mara, who attacked the then bodhisattva Siddhartha Guatama with everything he had: lust, greed, anger, doubt, etc. Having failed, Mara left in disarray on the morning of the Buddha’s enlightenment.
Yet, it seems Mara was only temporarily discouraged. Even after the Buddha had become deeply revered throughout India, Mara continued to make unexpected appearances. The Buddha’s loyal attendant, Ananda, always on the lookout for any harm that might come to his teacher, would report with dismay that the “Evil One” had again returned.
Instead of ignoring Mara or driving him away, the Buddha would calmly acknowledge his presence, saying, “I see you, Mara.”
He would then invite him for tea and serve him as an honored guest. Offering Mara a cushion so that he could sit comfortably, the Buddha would fill two earthen cups with tea, place them on the low table between them, and only then take his own seat. Mara would stay for a while and then go, but throughout the Buddha remained free and undisturbed.
When Mara visits us, in the form of troubling emotions or fearsome stories, we can say, “I see you, Mara,” and clearly recognize the reality of craving and fear that lives in each human heart.
One very helpful resource I have that sits alongside therapy is Vedic Meditation. I don’t believe I would be anywhere near as settled and calm as I am now without this incredible practice. As I go through the light and shadow of life, I have this unwavering twice daily experience that connects me to the universe and reminds me “Ahaṁ Brahmāsmi” - I am totality.
While we might think we perceive light, shadow and all sorts of gradients in between in our experience it is simply different expressions of the same one thing, so let’s learn to embrace and welcome everything and invite it all in for tea.
UPCOMING WORKSHOP
Solar Eclipse Tea Ceremony and Reflection on Light & Shadow
Tuesday April 9, 2024
6:30 - 8:30 p.m
School of Modern Meditation - 1/1 Howe St, Freeman’s Bay
Join tea ceremonialist, meditation teacher and artist Sierra from The Grounded Circle, and certified coach and facilitator Rose from Vessel Wellbeing, for an evening of introspection, ideation, inspiration and celebration around light and shadow. The energy of a solar eclipse offers a rare celestial opportunity to amplify your intentions so it’s an ideal time to slow down, explore the contrasts in your life, listen to your inner charm and reflect on any changes you want to embrace going forward.
This gathering will include:
- Mindful tea ceremony as a practice of honouring the present moment and connecting deeper to ourselves and to nature using Tie Guan Yin oolong - the tea of autumn. This is one of the oldest varieties of oolong tea in China and it is named after the Chinese goddess of mercy Guan Yin
- A guided meditation on acceptance. This meditation invites you on a journey of embracing and exploring the dance between light and shadow as a metaphor for internal reflection and growth
- Creative coaching exercises to explore the contrasts within your life
- Final gratitude meditation to round our evening out
Rose- This was interesting. Thanks for sharing. I particularly love this quote that you wrote: "“The shadow… can contain the divine, the luscious, beautiful, and powerful aspects of personhood. For women especially, the shadow almost always contains very fine aspects of being that are forbidden or given little support by her culture.” The idea of personhood is something that so few people realize until adulthood. But it's necessary to create a life worth living for. Your writing is a great reminder of this. :)